These last few days have felt like an eternity. My world was spinning so fast I felt like I wasn’t in control of anything. The wedding came and left so quickly, it was amazingly beautiful and magical. Continuing on that high of happiness I caught my flight and had a calm trip to Sacramento, lobbying with fellow social workers was amazing! It was definitely everything I thought it would be and more. Oh and I met my future husband in Sacramento. Natalia and I bumped into OKC and met like half the team. OMG they are all so tall!!! It was really cool meeting them and the ones I talked to were really interested in the reason why we were at the Capital lobbying. The trip was unbelievable. We made it back to the Sacramento airport and right there in the terminal is where my life fell apart before my eyes. My stupid cousin posted about a death in the family and right away my heart sank and broke. My aunt Cecelia had been in the hospital since thursday but she was doing better, at least that’s what I had thought. I called everyone but no one was answering. After 30 mins my mom finally called me back, she was avoiding my question. I was in tears already and felt like there were weights being thrown on me. My mom finally told me that my aunt passed away early that day. Here I was having an amazing time that whole day and my family was keeping the truth from me. They were holding onto the pain until I landed back home. The only other time I have cried in the airport was for my nino when we was being deployed. There I was about to board the plane with all my class mates and all I wanted to do was crawl into a ball and cry. My professor found me in the bathroom on the floor balling my eyes out. I asked her not to tell anyone because I didn’t want to get a pity party on the flight back. I came home and crawled into my bed and at that moment I felt like I was falling into a deep hole that I couldn’t get out of. I woke up the next morning and went to classes like I usually do. I needed my routine to keep me busy. I went about the rest of the week as if I was walking in a dream. Nothing felt real and yet I knew it all had to be. I kept trying to push the truth as far back as I could in my mind.
I hate this. I hate the way that im feeling. I hate that I cant fix it. I hate the way my world is spinning. I just want it all back.
Spending the day at the hospital is not how this weekend was supposed to start. Now to sleep and wake up early for the wedding